i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
