I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
