look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
