High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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