I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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