What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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