they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
