do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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