I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
