turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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