Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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