last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize