How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
