Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
