Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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