Me. At least after what I've been through.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
