I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
