he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
