i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
