Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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