Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
