is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
