Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
