oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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