i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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