I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
