i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
