fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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