i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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