i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
