Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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