Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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