I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
