He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize