I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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