took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize