Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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