what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
