Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
