hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
