New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
