The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
