I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
