Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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