if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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