I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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