I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
