I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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