i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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