I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
