I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
