I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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