dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
MIDGETS
????
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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