nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
