Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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