i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
