She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
