Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
