you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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