Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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