So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
