wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your cock deserves a montage
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
