I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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