I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize