btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
