I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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