I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
