I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
