i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
