You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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