Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize