I hope mine doesn't look like that
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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